In the 1900’s, the Frisbee Pie Company supplied many Midwest school cafeterias with desserts. In true school cafeteria style, the pie plates were soon discovered to be perfect projectiles, and a new craze was born. Frisbee! The tin plates soon gave way to plastic discs, proprietary to the sport and not a consumer byproduct. They sold in the millions across this great continent, and forced a corporate restructuring of the Frisbee Company. The Frisbee freed a nation of people used to throwing rocks or Molotov cocktails to tossing a benign piece of plastic, which no doubt enlightened a generation. I can honestly say that I am much mellower and laid-back because of the Frisbee. Today, most Frisbees come free with a bucket of fried chicken or a Prozac prescription, but real enthusiasts will always buy the “Whammo” brand Frisbee. Weighing in at 175 grams, it is a heavy disc that can cover over one hundred yards, with the right finesse. Sometime in the 1980s, people found a way to make Frisbee a competitive sport. Today, sponsored, “professional” athletes throw the disc into chain buckets over a course similar to golf links. Remember what the good lord said about such matters! I think it was “Throw not the disc in vain, but with no intent whatever” or some such thing. Zen and the art of Frisbee Thankfully, for many, Frisbee is still a mindless waste of time with nothing productive as the outcome. Fans will tell you that playing Frisbee should be an effortless thrill, on par with watching birds in flight or the lapping tides. The secret of an enjoyable Frisbee session lies not in the physical exertion, they say, but in the lack thereof. Unlike most “physical” activities, Frisbee is most rewarding when the players enter a state of moribund meditation, essentially willing the disc to the other player. If you’re running around like a dog on a beach after the disc, you might consider switching to Aussie Rules Football. And, Frisbee means never having to say you’re sorry. Sometimes the wind will do what it will with the disc, and players are urged not to apologize for the whims of nature. Congratulations on a good throw or catch is encouraged, however, and helps players to enter the state described above; a kind of psychedelic bliss. For years, shucksters have foisted off second-rate, “modernized” Frisbees, making fortunes from gullible suckers looking for cheap entertainment. They made the “Ring” and the “UFO Flyer”; they made aluminum and carbon fiber, composite discs that fetched hundreds of dollars. They even made glow-in-the-dark Frisbees, in a sleazy attempt to cash in on the insomniac market! But to what end? In its base form, the Frisbee has been around long before the Frisbee Pie Co. pumped a nation of kids full of sugary snacks. Since the beginning of time man has tossed things. Rocks, hammers, spears and boomerangs. And, like the boomerang, the Frisbee cannot be improved on. In the name of global relaxation, I call for a Frisbee revolution. An allied air-drop of one million Frisbees and the same amount of fried chicken, over warring areas might just turn those baleful stares into greasy, jubilant smiles! Frisbee is a great way to exercise. It’s a great way to meditate without crunching your eyes shut and blocking out the senses. It’s a great excuse to get outdoors, if you need one, and it’s the most fun you can have for $2.99.

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